"How Do I Help My Child Process The Trauma Of Childhood Cancer?"
By Allie Neenan, PhD, LP | Last updated 12/4/24
Cancer is emotionally traumatizing at any age, and children have a particularly difficult time expressing what they are feeling. If your child has been affected by childhood cancer, you may wonder how to support them in processing the experience. Trauma is a lifelong journey, and no two children will follow the same path of healing.
Many children have behavioral difficulties after a traumatic event. This can include crying, yelling, aggression, avoiding school, sleeping poorly, and more. When children are having trouble in day to day life after a traumatic event, professional support may be needed. Your child's oncology or primary medical team may be able to provide mental health referrals if you have these concerns. Children do not always have visible behavioral concerns. Still, you may worry about how cancer has affected your child and feel eager to help.
Balance is key to helping children express their feelings. Children need regular opportunities to open up, but pressure to share can make them feel less comfortable. Giving children control and choices is incredibly important for their healing, and that includes providing them with agency regarding when and how they process difficult experiences. Here is one example of how to make that happen.
Choose how often you and your child can have "Check In Time" together (such as once a week or once a month). During Check In Time, your child can choose from options like these:
Talking about hard memories or big feelings
Reading
Drawing
Playing with 1-2 small toys
Try to keep supplies for Check In Time in a consistent place. Your child may pick one activity and then ask to transition to another. This is especially true for children who struggle to voice their emotions - even when they choose to talk about their feelings, they may need to take a break. Keeping a set menu of options and items ensures that there is an easy activity to pivot to.
When children know that there are consistent opportunities for them to share how they are doing, it takes the pressure off of any one moment. This gives them the freedom to truly choose when and how they want to have deep conversations. The positive memories that come from spending one on one time together doing simple activities are also very healing for children who have been through trauma.
All content on Cancer Cushion is provided for informational purposes only. Individuals experiencing a mental health emergency should contact their local crisis line or dial 988.